I think it's not bad at all, but for me (I'm beginning myself in corpo stuff, don't be offended) there is some things to change to make it work better (for the audience and for the paying guy). The good thing is that imho everything is here, no reshoot needed =) I understand that you went almost all slowmo for this, but in my view the cuts need to be more fast to rely with the emotion and dynamism brought by music. You have a clear concept here : a very fun and dynamic party when everyone have the headphone, but as soon you don't wear headphone, it become something strange, with people moving, laghing, dancing, with absolutly no sound, and animals (!) watching the whole thing silently.

For me, the musical part (headphone on) need to be more dynamic, lot of cuts/different angles, fast action (an edit on the music with cuts on the beat). And sometimes, headphone/music aren't there (you can place some piano notes, I don't know, with zoo/nature sounds maybe... a dreamy thing) and voice over of people talking about their feeling with everything in slowmo.

Again, your work is good and I know how much of a jerk someone is when he advise you to change everything after lot of work. But for the next projects, I think it's a good thing to try : rely the video, the flow of the editing with the concept of the thing you shoot (when there is one - a strange one, but eh, it's funny - like here).

Sorry for the english...