Personal View site logo
Make sure to join PV on Telegram or Facebook! Perfect to keep up with community on your smartphone.
Please, support PV!
It allows to keep PV going, with more focus towards AI, but keeping be one of the few truly independent places.
Short Film "A Clean Heart" Feedback appreciated
  • spaceandtimespaceandtime

    Used Colorghear and numerous other tips and advice from these forums. Feedback is appreciated, don't have to comment on the Christian views.

  • 19 Replies sorted by
  • matt_gh2matt_gh2

    @spaceandtime Some nice images here. I think the BTH logo on bottom left is a bit distracting - kinda like what some cable channels do. Personally - I would remove that.

  • spaceandtimespaceandtime

    Thanks for the advice Matt. Can you guys give me some more feedback on the video as well. I know the nature of the video is Christian but you don't have to comment on that. It would really mean a lot.

  • vicharrisvicharris

    Kind of hard not to comment on the christian stuff when it was punching me in the face like Mike Tyson. :) Might be why you aren't getting many replies. It's just too much and that's all I could think about. But that's just me mealiness POV :)

  • maxrmaxr

    @spaceandtime I'm with vicharris, how are we gonna avoid comment/touch on the religious content of this piece of yours if it is not but a vessel for your believes. And that drive is at the same time what makes it absolutely boring, my POV, ok? It is too direct, zero nuances, religious propaganda served like porno It's Maquiavelo's five hundred years old the end justifies the means which is a a way of being in this world I really can't understand nor share.

    It also has a lot of noise, now VK cannot say it's offtopic :P

  • matt_gh2matt_gh2

    I think it visually portrays a person who's slipped and is in a dark place out of her control, then somehow rising up to clarity. In reality that's an interesting topic for anyone to consider, whether you're religious or not. I wonder if removing the opening words/titles, and just starting with the woman, would allow everyone to relate to that emotional state and transition, and then when the religious text is presented at the end, religious people will appreciate it, and non-religious people may remember that religious people have the same emotional situations, journeys, etc as non-religious.

    But with opening titles discussing God, I can see how it will easy feel like a sermon to many viewers.

  • spaceandtimespaceandtime

    @maxr "It also has a lot of noise, now VK cannot say it's offtopic :P"

    Cmon man..I know you have a poibt with the Christian views being all in your face and I'll lzisten to your advice in the future. But did you really have to water down feedback for a video that someone spent alot of time on by just saying it has alot of noise? We all want to improve here, i do videos just as you do. Why did you have to downgrade your feedback like that? I know what you said is true about the noise but don't you think you could of been a little bit nicer with saying that? Yes it's a Christian video but can you at least give it the same feedback image quality wise as others?

  • atagunovatagunov

    Hi.

    and/or:

    • the character lives in a Matrix
    • the God is a machine, mechanism

    why?

    • mechanical voice; words fitting for a technical setting
    • the sparks are more fitting for a robot than a human
    • the relocation to a new setting is so much unlike the normal rules of this world

    Minor points:

    • in the begging the fallen human is speaking to the God; however I thought it was the God speaking to human

      • the voice is so almighty
      • the voice is so demanding
      • a fallen person would more likely whisper in despair, tremble

    • when the girl is lying motionless the camera starts panning to the right it cuts the head off and zeroes in on the feet I thought

      • hey what about it?
      • are the feet going to start moving like a patient exiting a coma?
      • what's so important about the feet?

    • the blood special effects - perhaps they are good - I was however slightly confused by them

    Conclusion:

    • overall the way I felt after the movie was rather anti-Christian; the message I got was
      • Computer is your God
      • worship it and serve it! (Which is pretty much what I do anyway heh..)
      • science fiction rulez
      • you need no God so long so long as you have computers - they'll save you

    Perhaps I was reminded apart from Matrix about "When they cry" anime where there is blood and the characters are locked in a groundhog day amid serene tranquil surroundings; they loop to the beginning when they die. Trust me, from me this is a praise :)

    Visually of course miles ahead of what I can do

    Good luck

  • vicharrisvicharris

    Ok, watched it again. I'd have to say it has a pretty strong magenta/purple skew. Not sure if that was on purpose but it really stood out on her skin. Also it's noisy, but clean....if that makes any sense at all. I'd send it though neatvideo then throw some grain back on it to take down the edges and smooth out the blocking but I'm on a grain kick right now so maybe that might not be the right way to go.

    As for the shots, they all looked fine technically to me. The camera movement looked fine. Was this lit with LEDs?

    I agree with Matts advice on maybe opening up and not telling us anything. That's always fun for the audience to figure out what's going on. Gives them something to invest in.

    On a rougher note, I had a really hard time believing anything the girl was saying. It just felt like she was line reading a script. I just listened to her voice without looking at the monitor and it didn't have any life or point of view. If you are able to go back and do a quick VO session, that might REALLY help the video. Really sorry if that sounds harsh but I've been through the same thing on here asking for editing advice. I was told just to drop huge hunks and kill my babies. It hurts but they were all right! :)

  • vicharrisvicharris

    @atagunov Holy crap! If that's what you got from it then I feel like even more of a neanderthal than before. I'm just going to go over in a cave and pick ticks off myself.

  • jpbturbojpbturbo

    Why would someone give exactly the same feedback as others?

    Here is my (somewhat)technical critique from start to finish.

    The WUFYS_GIN motion graphics at the beginning are not very clear. Even at full HD the second row of text is hard to make out because of it's size. The bevel/emboss effect on the lower row of text serves to obfuscate the outlines of the letters with the shadow section of the text making the overall letter forms even slimmer and harder to read.

    0:39 has a weird shake/distortion to it.

    0:42-44 This is awkward. It's really hard for a closeup shot of a woman's chest heaving up and down to not feel somewhat exploitative.

    0:47 the movement looks like slowed down normal(24p) footage. It feels kind of disorienting which is good but it also feels a little cheap from a production quality standpoint.

    0:50 a lot of noise.

    1:12 out of focus except for a brief moment where it blips into focus before shifting back out of focus as the camera pans to the right.

    I find the robotic voices pretty distracting. I kind of think that reducing the spiritual change of heart you are trying to convey to something that sounds mechanical and robotic only denigrates the importance and weight of what you are trying to convey.

    I think it's hard for such a literal visual allegory as you have made here to not come across as heavy handed, even to other Christians. Perhaps something with more of a story that was less abstract and not visually so literal would be more approachable for non-christian viewers.

  • maxrmaxr

    @spaceandtime my dear brother just to clarify, I meant "It also has a lot of noise, now VK cannot say I'm offtopic :P"

    did you really have to water down feedback for a video that someone spent alot of time on by just saying it has alot of noise?

    You have a point... of view, as I do. Objectively I couldn't argue I water down (funny expression) my feedback. Subjectively, which is how I experience the world, it was a stupid, though true observation (at least from my purely subjective POV) for me to point out... and, most probably, I just did 'cause I am stupid and most important, unable to go beyond such an "in your face" (your words) message.

    I'm conscient of being oversensitive to the subject and take full responsibility for that, but once again, this is me; one of the people that share forum with you; you feed me this and react like this, you feed me that and I'll react differently. You asked for feedback and a gave you unfiltered honest opinion. I'm not a machine, can't and won't analize things separate from context which is contaminated by subjectivity and thus differs from person to person... some would go as far as to say everything exists in/within a context.

    All and all I just don't want bad vibes between us, quite the opposite, you know? keep your enemies close, je je, just kidding man... so if what I said offended you, I'm sorry and willing to delete if makes you feel better :-)

    Now, are we good or do I have to get baptized? :P

    PS
    for all reading; sorry for so many "( )" and "..." it's one more addiction I have to get sober from... or die

  • vicharrisvicharris

    @jpbturbo Who's giving the same advice? Looks like we're all over the place on this apparently controversial piece :)

  • jpbturbojpbturbo

    @vicharris

    I was referring to @spaceandtime 's comment to @maxr,

    "Yes it's a Christian video but can you at least give it the same feedback image quality wise as others?"

  • vicharrisvicharris

    Ahhhh, I'm just all confused in this thread. Vic out!! :)

  • Vitaliy_KiselevVitaliy_Kiselev

    Guys, calm down.

    I slightly cleared topic.

  • Ian_TIan_T

    It was ok. I personally liked the message. But the actresses voice seemed robotic. I wish she sounded like she was in distress or something. It would have came off much better. Visually I liked it. But then towards the end the aesthetics of the video changed (not sure if this was done on purpose). If you could get her to do the voice track over...same line, eq and effects etc. but with more desperation in what she is saying then it would elevate this piece a great deal. Oh yeah...those opening credits....too distracting and long.

  • vicharrisvicharris

    Ok, now I really want to know the intent and meaning of the video. I am really clueless when it comes to this kind of expression.

  • matt_gh2matt_gh2

    @vicharris Unless I missed something, I guess it just comes down to simple narrative of "someone in a dark, difficult place in their life....then they reach out for God...then they are saved/delivered... to a happier/brighter place". I think similar narratives have been done non-religiously in mainstream films, but when you add a religious feel and theme to a film, it kinda acts as an emotional ND filter...lol...and everything has a different shade to it...so I too have seen some religious films where at first glance it's hard to emotionally connect and relate.

    Mainstream films usually have the main character solve his problem via struggle, or help from loved one, or a journey where he learns, struggles, makes choices, etc. Religious films just have main character solve their problem by turning to God for help, which usually involves humbling oneself before God.

    @spaceandtime If I have the film's meaning wrong, I apologize and would welcome any discussion. Re filmmaking - you have some nice skills and should continue honing your craft. I think @Maxr made a good point about how this film could use a little more nuance. I suspect he is referring to the perhaps overly simple way the woman sits up a smiles...as if "bam-all is solved-life is good".

    Bottom line: What I like about this film is the way you feel the woman is in a dark place/situation. The imagery really achieves this. That's the best part of this film.

  • spaceandtimespaceandtime

    @matt_gh2 you got it correct. Like you said I was going for a story where the situation is someone is helpless and has come to the end of the road but in the end decides to reach out for help. In the future I will heed your voice in putting the christian narrative to the back, where its not so in your face. And yeah the acting could of been done alot better but like you said I'll improve in the future!

Add a Comment